Dear Girl

A few years ago, I picked up a book for my daughters at the school Scholastic Book fair. I was drawn to the book not only by its title but by its illustrations as well. The book title is Dear Girl, A Celebration of Wonderful, Smart, Beautiful You! The book is by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Paris Rosenthal. It is illustrated by Holly Hatam. The book teaches about feelings, friendships, and expressions of your individual self. The overarching message is to reach into your BRAVE self and take care of yourself first. My daughters are eight as I write this post and this book has been a “Bible” for one of my daughters, Twin B, for a few years now. In my writing I refer to them as Twin A and Twin B. This nomenclature started when I was expecting. It was new to me, but the doctor referred to them as A and B during my ultrasounds and for my writing purposes it works.  

My daughters were both born bald, and it wasn’t until she was three that Twin B’s fine blonde curly locks appeared. The next two years she expressed her desire for straight long hair. She told me she wanted it passed her bottom. She often talked about her hair and I sensed she was self-conscious about it. She told me a friend looked at her funny every morning because her hair was always curly and not straight. It made her feel bad. Her baby curls are darling, but not to her. 

By the time she was six her hair was still very fine and curly, but it was long. One Saturday, we were headed to get a trim for her hair and just before we were about to leave for the appointment, she came out of her room and said, “Mom, I want my hair short like the girl in the book.” I thought ok, what book? I searched the back of my memory and remembered the book. I said, “Dear Girl?” She said, “Yes.” We searched the house, found it and found the page. To quote the two pages, “Dear Girl, there are no rules about what to wear or how to cut your hair.” When she saw the picture, she immediately said, “Yes, that is how I want my hair.” We picked up the book and took it with us to the salon. We showed the picture to the stylist and poof she had the haircut. After the cut she beamed with pride, I knew in an instant she felt wonderful, unique, and so herself.

Two years have passed since the initial haircut and aside from a 6-month break from hair salons due to the pandemic, Twin B continues to wear this short Bob-like style.  As with any child, she continues to grow, and her interests change.  Do you notice this in your own children?  This past summer she decided she wanted an even more unique look. She requested a side undercut along with a color change to pink. A side undercut is where one side of the hair is shaved, and the rest of the hair is styled in the other direction. I was not in favor of this. Nevertheless, I know my daughter. It was important to her and to her spirit. Do you ever decide to do something for your child that you otherwise wouldn’t but know in your heart it is what they need? Luckily, I have some friends who have this look and they helped me get more comfortable. They also gave me suggestions on where to go. I drew the line on hair dye for several reasons, but mostly because her skin is sensitive. She accepted the compromise. We decided on a stylist and despite my trepidation her new haircut looks great. Once again, she walked out beaming with confidence from the hair salon. She couldn’t wait to share her new look and from my phone we sent photos to her aunt, grandma, cousins, and baby-sitter. The people who love her and really matter. At Meet the Teachers night this past fall we walked into the school building and the first thing the Principal said to her was, “I love your new haircut.”

I appreciate Twin B’s spirit. Her requests challenge my beliefs and expectations as a parent. I am grateful for brilliant authors like Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Paris Rosenthal for introducing difficult concepts to children. Thank you to my friends who are willing to help me out with small parenting challenges and my daughter’s school and the belief to grow a whole child.