A New Way to Escape

I have been married for 15 years. There are some things that work, and some that don’t. One of our struggles is that he is a night owl, and I am an early bird. My husband enjoys watching movies loudly into the night.  His interests range from sci-fi, to documentaries of rock musicians, to action movies about Jason Bourne.  

To be honest, I always struggled with the noise of the TV, but after the girls were born, not only did the noise affect my sleep, but I just wanted our home to be quiet. All THE TIME.  Keep in mind we lived in a downtown loft and the quarters were tight.  We had talked about the volume and the late nights many times, but things did not change.  He viewed it as his time and he too needed a break. One of the ways I thought I could get him to change his habits around loud movies was to tell other people about it. I attempted to make him feel bad enough in front of others to make him change. I told my father, I told his mother, I told his friends. In retrospect, this was not good behavior, not only did it not change his interest in staying up late watching loud movies, it likely made him desire that time even more.  

A blessing that came from my chatter with others about his movies came in the form of gifts. Not from me, but from others.  The first one came from my mother-in-law. She sent him a pair of wireless headphones for the TV. It was a miracle. As soon as I headed to bed my husband put the headphones on and our home was quiet. A few years later, a good friend of his sent him a pair of wireless noise cancelling headphones. My husband appreciated this gift, but he only used them on airplanes. My mind had another idea: I immediately thought, wow, now he could use this for when he listens to music as well, especially Radiohead, which I have never enjoyed. When I made the suggestion, he reminded me of how he already used headphones for the TV. Much to my chagrin, he never took me up on that idea.  

So how is this about a new way to escape? When the pandemic began, my family and I were together all the time. I was overwhelmed with work from home, distance learning, and the added amount of household work that was piling up. It was nearly impossible to be by myself much less do anything I enjoyed. I missed my drive to work, listening to NPR, and listening to my favorite podcasts: The Productive Woman, Brilliant Balance, among others. I loved this each day. Now nothing, but the noise of the house, the kids, my husband’s conference calls, the dishwasher, the washing machine, the blender, the iPad, the TV. One Sunday, we were watching Mass over zoom, the girls were fidgety, and I was having difficulty keeping them focused and I really wanted to listen. They left the room, but their horseplay didn’t stop. I looked up and on a far shelf I spotted the noise cancelling headphones. In the 5-plus years that my husband has had them, they had barely been used. I put them on, I connected them to my iPad, and I was transported to another world. It was amazing. I no longer could hear the girls in the background and I truly felt I was at mass. I was focused on my faith and I felt calm. Mass ended, I put the headphones back up on the shelf and went about my day.  

That evening, I was doing my usual Sunday meal prep. A ritual I typically enjoy. The girls were in the backyard, coming and going from the house through the kitchen.  Soon after I got started, the neighbor began mowing the lawn.  My mood started to fade. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t content. Does this ever happen to you, where you are just trying to get something done but the noise and activity is bothersome to you? I thought, I need to listen to something.  I wanted a podcast for inspiration and Brené Brown had just come out with a new one.  I turned it on and hooked it to the kitchen speaker, but I kept getting interrupted and couldn’t follow along. I recalled the noise cancelling headphones from the morning. I ran to the shelf, connected them to my phone and once again I was transported to a peaceful place. I went back to the kitchen. I did my tasks, I enjoyed it. The podcast gave me the inspiration I needed. Yes, the girls interrupted me, but they had to come into the kitchen to get my attention, it doesn’t work for them to yell MOM from across the yard or the house. I wouldn’t hear it. This is now my ritual every Sunday. If the girls need something I will pause and address them, but they know the headphones are a symbol that mom is busy.