How to Focus on What Matters Most; Making Choices without Losing Yourself

My career was accelerating. I had my dream job and was honing my brand in my subject-matter expertise. The work was thrilling, complex, and I was good at it. Yet, the trade-offs were real. After months, the pace felt unsustainable: long days, travel, constant internal and external engagement. I struggled to focus on what mattered most.

I didn’t need to abandon my path. I needed to redesign it.

This is what focus really is – not choosing between success and life but learning how to pursue both without losing yourself. As much as I wanted this path, something didn’t sit right anymore. I was tired. Home felt harder. I kept getting sick.

I had to ask myself: Is this the only way?

In architecture long hours are the norm. After 20 years, I knew that.

But I kept asking anyway. As time passed, the question didn’t go away. So, I decided to explore it.

When the Right Path Isn’t the Right Fit Anymore

I was meeting my aspirations for success, but internally, I wasn’t aligned. I stuck on the idea: “This is what I am supposed to do.”

I was ignoring something important: my career path hadn’t changed, but my life had. I embarked on this path a decade ago, travel was impacting my kids and my health, making everything difficult. Every time the weather was harsh, I worried I wouldn’t make it home in time, and I never made it home without a sore throat. The combination of stress and recycled air always ended the same: exhaustion and a cold.

Creating Space to See Clearly and Focus on What Matters Most

Once I acknowledged it wasn’t the right fit, I wanted to change quickly. But I couldn’t just step down. I had obligations, kids counting on me, and a life I valued. Despite my current need for change, I had to slow down.

I paused and went back to my question: Is this the only way, or is there another way? I keep a running 5-year journal. I went back to the years when things felt more balanced. I noted the professional roles and the demands within them. I didn’t want to take a step back; I had worked too hard, and from that point on, started listing the types of work roles and responsibilities that felt aligned. I also wrote down the things I still wanted to learn to grow my expertise. I called an old colleague to bounce ideas off. The efforts didn’t provide an immediate action plan, but they did give me stability and decision focus. And that was enough to move forward. I was gaining clarity and moving towards alignment, even while staying in my current role.

Redefining the Goal

I stepped back and asked: What was my real Goal underneath the original path? To be known as an expert. Build a high-performing team. Create meaningful work. Make an impact.

I brainstormed ways to separate the Goal from the method.

I shifted from “I need this role to grow” to “I need growth, but not at that cost.”

Examining my situation, I realized I am an expert at running architectural practices. Any size healthcare building is meaningful. I didn’t need to abandon my path; I needed to redesign it. That shift changed everything. I identified my values – bigger is not better. Act local, support a team – that can be as small as two – and provide extraordinary outcomes to a few. The redefinition of the Goal made decisions so much easier.

Choosing Priorities without Pressure

The redefined Goal of broader expertise helped me focus on my priorities.

I focused on what mattered most.

Building a strong team. Delivering meaningful outcomes for my clients.

Choosing a local role that honored flexibility and family, while still challenging me to grow.

This wasn’t settling. It was intentional prioritization. Letting go of “There is no other way” removed the pressure. Is there something in your life that no longer fits, but you’re still holding onto?

Step back, and ask:

• What matters now?
• What can wait?
• What no longer fits?

I certainly didn’t start with the answers, and that is okay. Give yourself time to determine your focus, and the answers will come.

Closing

Focus is not about doing more; it’s about directing energy intentionally. Focus creates clarity and permits you to move forward without pressure.

A Values Check-In and Priority Reset can help you redefine your goal and move forward with intention.

That’s exactly why I created the Reset process. Inside the Reset Kit, the Focus section walks you through these exercises.

You don’t need to figure everything out; you need to choose what matters most.